An interview is worth a Green Beer

I came into the job market as a recent college grad in what was without question the worst recession our country has seen since the great depression. During this time, finding entry level work even after I had a few years of sales experience under my belt was proving to be very difficult. I got creative with my job search and ended up networking with a few alumni from my college fraternity and within a day I had a interview lined up.

The company was a smaller operation a few miles from my house and seemed to have all the ideal qualities of a place I'd want to work at. The pay looked good, opportunity for growth was there, and they even encouraged a casual dress code. I already had a man on the inside so all I needed to do was nail the interview and I had the gig.

My interview was originally going to be scheduled for the day after St. Patrick's day but the responsible alcoholic in me knew I'd never make it to an interview with a St. Patrick's day hang over so we bumped it up one day to have it on the morning of St. Patrick's day at 10:30 with a guy named "Geoff." I showed up right at 10:30 due to the lack of parking which set me in a bit of panic when I first arrived. A little glitch like that wouldn't stop me from getting job.

I was dressed to kill in a 3 piece pin-stripe suit, shined black leather shoes, face shaved, hair looked perfect, etc. Shortly after introducing myself to the receptionist I was sitting down filling out paperwork. I was two thirds the way through the packet they asked me to fill out when the secretary said, "Geoff will see you now."
I realized just at that very moment that the man I was interviewing with didn't pronounce his name "JEE-OFF" but infact he just spells it poorly. Prior to that day I had never met a person named "Jeff" that spelled it as "Geoff." A huge wave of relief had come over me as I walked into Geoff's office. It appeared I had dodged a fatal bullet or two already.

The receptionist led me to the back of the office and down a hallway to a closed door door. She knocked on the heavy wooden door and I heard a man with a deep voice say, "Send him in!" from inside.
I thanked the secretary and walked into Geoff's office confidently. Geoff was a tall serious looking man with bright orange/red hair. I smiled as I extended my hand for a handshake.

"Good to meet you sir, I said shaking his hand then grabbing a seat in the chair in front of his desk. Happy St. Patrick's day by the way."

Geoff's head cocked to the side and his eyes squinted. "I beg your pardon?"

"Today is St. Patrick's day, I had assumed by your hair and your name that you were Irish." I said explaining with a half chuckle.

"I'm married." He said looking sternly at me as if I had offended him.


"Everyone is Irish on St. Patrick's day, it's a big thing in my family anyway. My last name is Ryan and we're proud of our Irish roots. I usually celebrate the day with friends and it's generally good time by all." I explained forcing a smile but noting the awkward position he's put me in.

"I'm assuming you don't have to work tomorrow then?"

"Well yes, I'm not actually working tomorrow, No." I stammer.

"Which is it, yes or no?" He says writing something on my resume in front of him then looking up at me.

"I'm not working tomorrow." I reiterate and say in puzzled fashion. This already hasn't gotten off to a good start.

Clearing his throat and shaking his head as if I had just said something majorly ignorant, Geoff looked me up and down and said "Let's move on."

As the interview continued I realized my sense of humor and personality were not going to earn me any points. I knew my best bet was to stick with using my smarts to impress this guy and maybe win him back. We talked about my work history for a bit then transitioned into what his company does.

I've always known the best way to show that you're a good listener is called reflecting. It's when someone says something, you simply take the words re-arrange them a bit, change a few, then send it right back with a few extra bits of your own flavor.
To give a simple terms, is if someone goes "I went to the beach this weekend."

Your response would be something to the effect of "So you went to where the water meets the land, how was it?"

Geoff reclined fully into his chair, "What can you tell me a little about our company?"

I pause for a moment, "I understand your company works very similar to ebay but it's for the government."

Geoff looks annoyed, "Let me tell you a little more our company here. This company works like a federal contractor version of Ebay. Essentially the government puts out projects they want to get done and in order for them to be fulfilled/contracted the government needs to show that it had more than one bidder and that it got the best deal. This company represents a website that allows companies to bid on government contracts and for the government to show it got the best deal."

I try my best to summarize what he said and then asked him if they do a rating system similar to what ebay, where you are able to say whether or not a company if it did great work for you or if they completely botched a job.

He stares at me blankly for a moment then says, "I never said anything like that. You are completely wrong. That has absolutely nothing to do with what my company does or what I'm talking to you about. Were you listening to what I said?" Then shifts his eye brows as if to say, "what's you're excuse for being a retard."

I was shocked. I rarely encounter assholes of this nature. But I do know this game. This is a game in sales when someone inserts language that makes for an awkward pause the first person who says anything loses control. I lock eyes with him and shift my eyebrows to mirror his expression. It's called the first one to speak loses and I was ready for battle. He was clearly no stranger to this game as he glared at me while shifting his eyebrow expression to an intense scowl.

I can't believe this guy has the gall to insult someone that doesn't even work for him in such a nonchalant fashion. If this is going to be the guy I'm working for, I don't want this job. Kicking it into high gear, I maintain eye contact as I shift my chin upward and tilted my head slightly back while flattening my lips and lower my eyebrows to more to of a, "you are an unbelievable piece of shit" type of look.

We were in a full on eyebrow wrestling match. His expression would change and I'd change mine as well. It could only have been 15 seconds of silence that went by, but it seemed like minutes. I realize this guy isn't going to say anything for the rest of his life if it means he loses to a arrogant little shit like me on this one. This was an ex military man with too much pride.

Finally, harden my stare while I loosen my legs and sit all the way back in the chair. I kick my right leg up and onto my left knee and then fold my hands together to rest on top of it. I give him an asshole grin and calmly say straight faced, "I don't know what you want to say." I stared at him blankly.

"Well alright," Geoff said. "We have your information and we'll let you know within a week if you've got the job."

I start laughing, "Yeah, thanks I say shaking his hand with an iron grip half laughing. Looking even more puzzled than ever I turned and exited his office. "Happy St. Patrick's day said again on my way out.

Knowing full well I would not be getting that job EVER, I found myself drinking green beer at a bar with old friends putting on a fake Irish accent a mere 15 minutes later.